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When You Feel The Urge To Create A Conflict, Create A Dilemma Instead

6 min readSep 27, 2025
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On February 12th, 2004, at the direction of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and in defiance of California Law, city officials began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples in what would come to be known as the Winter of Love. Coming just in time for Valentines Day, it captured the imagination of the LGBTQ community.

Yet the backlash was swift. Within weeks, President Bush called for a constitutional amendment declaring that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. Conservative groups swung into action and in 2008 were successful in placing Proposition 8, a law so harsh that many believe that it paved the way for marriage rights.

Saul Alinsky warned that every revolution inspires a counterrevolution. Out instinct is to try to silence dissent, but that will always backfire. There is a better way. Rather than try to overpower those that oppose your idea, you can create a dilemma that forces them to discredit themselves. By inciting a crackdown, that’s exactly what Newsom’s ploy did.

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Greg Satell
Greg Satell

Written by Greg Satell

Co-Founder: ChangeOS | Bestselling Author, Keynote Speaker, Wharton Lecturer, HBR Contributor, - Learn more at www.GregSatell.com

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